More than half of all people say that their stress goes up considerably during the holidays, making the season not exactly the “most wonderful time of the year”...

In my many years as a psychotherapist, I’ve learned that there are 10 main reasons why the holidays can be miserable for some people.

Let’s talk about them… 

#1 Financial Stress

Financial stress affects over 60% of adults during the holidays. The pressure to meet societal and personal expectations amplifies the strain.

#2 Time Stress

With 67% of people feeling time-strapped during the season, balancing our already busy lives with holiday preparations becomes a daunting task.

#3 Gift Anxiety

The significance we attach to gifts often transcends the act of giving, adding layers of pressure and emotion. Did we spend the same on everyone? Is so-and-so going to get us a gift, so we should get her one? There are many instances in which we overthink the act of gift-giving and forget the true significance behind the gesture.

#4 Societal Ideals

During the holidays, we often have these societal ideals, expectations, or fantasies of the perfect loving family. We envision everyone gathering cheerfully, behaving in a loving, kind way towards each other, and having delicious food. In our imagination, everything goes extremely well. But that’s not usually the case, which sets us up for disappointment.

#5 Difficult Emotions

A recent poll showed that 68% of people feel an increase in fatigue during the holidays, 61% feel an increase in stress, and 52% feel an increase in irritability. And about a third of all people feel an increase in sadness, anger, and loneliness. This comes from many places including expectations of others, pessures we put on ourselves, and pressures we feel coming from others.

#6 Dysfunctional Family Roles

Family gatherings have a peculiar way of resurrecting deeply ingrained family roles. Whether you find yourself in the caretaker role, striving to make everything perfect, or as the scapegoat, anticipating blame and criticism, these roles can trigger resentment and loneliness.

The hero child might feel compelled to organize events and ensure everyone is pleased. The scapegoat anticipates blame and criticism, contributing to a sense of isolation. The lost child seeks refuge from conflict, often missing out on the festivities. The mascot, tasked with cheering everyone up, can end up feeling exhausted and overlooked.

#7 Grief

Whether someone has passed away, or things are just changing in your life, grief is heightened udring holidays. For me, as my kids get older, holidays can be difficult because things are so different now. Everyone has their own lives (which is great!) but I do have to decide who I am going to spend the holiday with, how I can be there for everyone, and also grief that we’re not all under one roof anymore.

#8 Tough Choices

During the holidays, navigating tough decisions becomes a common challenge. From choosing which families to visit to managing time, money, and dealing with toxic family dynamics, making these choices can add to the complexities of the season.

#9 Expectations of Others

This ties to previous points, because of course want everyone to be happy and taken care of for the holidays! But it becomes difficult when we have expectations of others that they have probably already proven to us that they are not going to meet. If you have somebody in your life who has consistently shown you that they are not going to meet those behaviors, they are not going to do what should be done, then having those expectations despite what has already been proven to you is going to cause you pain. Instead of getting our hopes up for a new and improved outcome,  expect the expected. 

#10 Self-Expectations

Especially during the holidays, we tend to place hefty expectations on ourselves, striving for an almost perfect and ideal celebration. However, this pursuit often results in disappointment and self-criticism when things don't unfold as planned. It's crucial to be kind to ourselves, recognizing that it's absolutely fine not to meet every expectation. Embrace the imperfect moments of the holiday season, fostering self-compassion and finding joy in the journey rather than fixating on an elusive, flawless destination. Remember, it's okay not to have everything perfectly aligned.

Which of these is resonating the most with you? 

Did I miss any of your holiday stressors?

Let me know in the comments, and take care of yourself this season.