Do you consider yourself super responsible, yet you can struggle with decision-making?

There is a lot of material online that says that indecisive people:

• Are used to other people making decisions for them
• Prefer other people to make the decisions
• Avoid the responsibility which comes with decision-making

I don’t believe this is true!

Sure, some indecisive people may fall into these categories, but I think it is a minority.

People who are indecisive might have anxiety, or people-pleasing tendencies, or be people who are extremely responsible!

If you consider yourself extremely responsible, it is possible that you often feel responsible for things that are outside of your control.

You might feel responsible for whether this family member gets a good job or not, whether that family member gets into the college they want, or whether this family member stops using drugs or alcohol.

In your work you may feel responsible not just for the part you contribute but for the outcome which is dependent on many factors other than you!

If this is you, you might have grown up as the “hero child.”

If you're the hero child, everybody in the family depends on you to be the successful one so they can feel okay about themselves. Therefore, each decision you make is important because it doesn't just impact you, it impacts everybody. (Or so it feels!)

Growing up as the “hero child” or the “caretaking child,” can lead to deeply ingrained beliefs that everything is up to you, that other people can’t be trusted to help or follow through, and that other people’s success or happiness is based on you in one way or another!

If this is the case, it makes total sense why you might struggle with decision-making.,

3 Tips for You if You Struggle with Decision-Making

1) When facing a decision, write out the outcome you are aiming for. Then, take a moment and write out what elements of this outcome you are powerless over.

2) Think through whose responsibility it truly is to achieve that outcome. Is it yours combined with other people? Is it, perhaps, not even yours?

3) Focus on the best next step that you can take. Create a goal that is within your control to execute. Pick an outcome that is related to your effort and your skills.

An example:
You have taken on the responsibility of organizing a family reunion. The outcome you would like is that everyone (or a large group) show up and have a great time. You don’t want the typical family fights to happen. Certain siblings have offered to help bring elderly relatives, but you know they aren’t always reliable.

Right there, you can see the focus on many things that would be outside of your control. Whether people have a good time or not is up to them! The weather can be lousy and the food can be mediocre, and people can still have fun! Alternatively, everything could be perfect and if one person acts out and disrupts everything, many people might have a lousy time.

So, what is in your control? Examples include: Sending out invites in sufficient time; choosing a location that is generally affordable and accessible; accepting help from the siblings who offered to transport elderly relatives (and then leaving that responsibility to them).

This may be a simple example, but I believe it can be applied to many other situations, including work situations. Let me know in the comments below if this was helpful!

By the way, you might find my boundary personality quiz interesting. Boundaries are not only about setting limits with other people. They are about knowing where you end and others begin. What responsibilities are yours, and what are other people's. Part of healthy boundaries is knowing what you can control and what you can't control. The link is here: Boundary Personality Quiz. I think you might find it interesting!