The distinction between reasonable concern and anxiety is crucial, because if you are having anxiety, yet your mind is convincing you that you have to worry about this, you won’t take the steps to recover. 

While logic alone does not cure anxiety, it is essential for identifying that what you are experiencing is in fact anxiety. 

So how do you know the difference?

With reasonable concern, you are aware of a problem. You have identified a problem that requires steps to be taken in order to solve it. It may not be immediately clear what those steps are. Deciding the steps might require investigation, gathering resources, or talking to other people. The solutions to our problems are not always clear, but with reasonable concern, there are action steps. Even if that action step is gathering more information, reasonable concern leads to productive problem-solving and productive action.

With reasonable concern, once you have taken those steps and those actions, you are aware that you have done what you can. This does not mean the concern will never resurface. Sometimes we have significant problems, and those concerns might linger a bit in the back of our minds. But if we can find it reassuring that we have done what we can, and we are aware that we cannot completely control the outcome, we can refocus on our lives and the important things in front of us.

The lingering concern does not interfere with our daily functioning or our sleep. It does not prevent us from being present with our loved ones. It does not take over everything.

Reasonable concern is proportionate to the actual risk and importance of the problem. It realistically assesses the probability of more severe consequences. We can keep the concern in balance. Sometimes we face problems where, in the worst case, the outcome would be quite negative. But those probabilities might be very small, and regardless, it still comes down to: what steps can we take now to address the problem?

Anxiety worries excessively about things that are outside of our control. 

Anxiety becomes overfocused on the outcome we want or the outcome we desperately want to avoid when there are no productive steps for us to take.

I want to include in this the anxiety we sometimes experience about other people's reactions or emotional responses to something we do. People often think, "But I can influence their response. If I do it just right, if I carefully manage how I approach the problem, maybe they will respond in the correct way." Yes, sometimes we do influence someone else's emotion or we can influence an outcome, but we are not in control of it.

We are definitely not in control of other people's emotional responses. 

Another sign that it is anxiety are the physical symptoms that accompany it: a racing heart, shortness of breath, muscle tension, and-or upset stomach. We experience many physical sensations when we are anxiously worrying about something. In contrast, when we have reasonable concern or productive worry, we might be thinking about it, but our body is not responding as if we are in danger. Our body is not responding as if we should fight, flee, or freeze. That physical response tied to the fight-flight-freeze response is a definite sign of anxiety.

As I mentioned, with reasonable concern, the concern can sometimes linger a bit in the back of our minds after we have done what we can. But with anxiety, it turns into rumination—repetitive thoughts cycling over and over. We might feel unable to concentrate on anything we are supposed to do, whether work or relationships or something else. We may not even be able to concentrate on conversations. The persistent rumination is taking over our brain—that is anxiety.

If insomnia is caused by thinking about a problem excessively, that is anxiety.

Anxiety can also lead us into avoidance. Instead of taking the practical steps that emerge from reasonable concern, we avoid the situation altogether because we are too anxious. That creates its own problems. I have a video on that topic, which I will link here: The Avoidance Anxiety Cycle.

Anxiety focuses on risks that are disproportionate to the situation. We respond with survival energy—meaning our body acts as if this is urgent and life-threatening, and we need all of our fight-flight-freeze chemicals to deal with this situation—but it is not actually urgent in this moment. It could be important. It could require planning. But it is not "I must run away this minute from a saber-tooth tiger." 

Anxiety also focuses disproportionately on "what ifs." What if that goes wrong? What if this goes wrong? We descend down a rabbit hole investigating scenarios that have very low probabilities, which interferes with our daily happiness and functioning. 

If you have taken productive steps to address the concern you have, yet the worry still continues to dominate your thoughts and interfere with your daily functioning, then it has crossed into anxiety. This line is not always perfectly clear, but if it has crossed into anxiety and the focus is on things you cannot control, then you are wasting energy, life force, and time on things that are outside your sphere of influence while remaining in what is a very painful state.

One of the things I have observed working with people over 20 years as a psychotherapist and in creating videos online is that people often understand the concept of anxiety in general, but they feel that in the specific area where they tend to be anxious, it really is needed.

I was recently at a gathering where one person had retired and he was discussing being anxious and not being able to sleep. Another person said, "You do not work anymore. How could you be anxious?" In his view, the main thing that justifies anxiety is work. That is his way of viewing the world.

People with health anxiety think, "I do not think any of those other things need to be worried about, but how can I stop worrying about my health?"

Once you have identified that you have crossed into anxiety, you can begin with focused energy to learn i) the physiologically calming techniques that are needed, ii) the cognitive restructuring that helps—how to think about something differently—and iii) how to change behaviors. Worry can become a pattern in our brain – actually physically established in the brain as a “superhighway” (myelination). A particular type of situation triggers a particular kind of thinking, which triggers a particular physical reaction and then the emotion of anxiety. Those neural pathways learn to fire together. 

But we can rewire our brains.

If you want to learn more about rewiring, I have a free webinar called "Rewire Your Brain for Joy and Confidence." I discuss what behaviors can help to begin creating different neural pathways in your brain so you can focus more on joy, the present moment, your relationships, and what is in front of you. It is free, and you can register with this link.  

Anxiety is treatable, and it is worth investing the effort so you can live with more joy.

I am interested in any comments, questions, or thoughts you have. If you found value in today's article and know of someone who might benefit, feel free to share this page. I will see you next week!